Category: Culture and Society

The Docilization of America

Chris WilsonLeave a comment

No, I’m not trying to be one of the Williams of obscure words (that’s Buckley and Safire). Don’t bother with your dictionary; I made it up. Docilization is the process of making people docile. That, it appears, is what some of our social engineers are after, and it may surprise you to learn that they are primarily Republicans. I am referring to Bush’s New Freedom Commission on Mental Health, which came about in 2002, and is now recommending comprehensive mental health screening for “consumers of all ages,” including pre-school students. Schools, so they say, are in a perfect position to screen 52 million students and 6 million adults who work in the schools. As I read about this, I could feel a chill going up my spine.

The rationale for this program is well-meaning (as are all social engineering plans). They say that mental health problems, though they are very prevalent, are often missed or misdiagnosed. I’d buy that. They also say that, each year, many young children are expelled from schools for unruly behavior and for emotional problems. I’d buy that, too. The solution is to screen for mental problems and recommend treatment, which happens to center on anti-depressant and anti-psychotic drugs. This I cannot buy. It’s a load of crap.

There’s no question that medication is sometimes required to deal with mental problems. However, we are on the verge of eerily playing out the vision of Aldous Huxley in his classic, Brave New World. Huxley wrote the book in 1932 to be a piece of satirical fiction. In it, he describes a futuristic society where individuals are genetically engineered to be stratified into several levels. Those at the top live the best lives and make all the key decisions. Those at the bottom are designed to be workers, workers who are content to only be workers and to have no say in the direction of their lives. To keep this utopia humming, among other things, every person takes a pill daily that keeps him or her happy and comfortable with life. When criminals commit crimes, which is rare, they are not incarcerated, they are given a heaping dose of this “soma” drug. So, I guess what is happening is that our little people are the equivalent of Huxley’s criminals – instead of dealing with their actions, they are going to be drugged. I have problems with this on multiple levels.

For one thing, we’re talking about a government administered plan. That, alone, should scare the bejeezus out of just about anyone. To think that 52 million kids are going to be screened, with the results being a thumbs up or thumbs down on anti-psychotic and/or anti-depressant medication, is truly frightening. Even if they have only a 1% error rate in their diagnosis, that’s 52,000 kids who will either be put on drugs unnecessarily or who will do without when they really need them. But there’s a bigger issue – whether a drug actually solves a problem or masks it.

In many cases, there is no doubt that chemicals in the brain are off, which is causing the child to behave in a rambunctious or otherwise undesirable way. Personally, I say suck it up and learn to live with it. That’s how character is developed. But putting that aside, what about the tons of kids who exhibit bad behavior for reasons other than brain chemicals? What about the kids who act out because mom and dad regularly engage in violent disagreements? What about the kids who act out because mom and dad could care less about them? What about the kids who act out because they’re bored with the curriculum that is geared for the lowest common denumbinator (that’s my word, too)? If Bush’s gem of a little program is enacted, these kids will be put on drugs like Ritalin, which will most likely curb their deviations from teacher and parent expectations. But will the problem will be solved? Not even close. It will be masked. It will remain hidden in the background until something comes along that even Ritalin can’t control. Then what? Admission to an institution? Prison? Come on.

The bottom line is that the behavior of children is all that should be evaluated. If Jimmy can’t control himself, discipline him. If it doesn’t work, get his parents involved. If that doesn’t work, get him out of the classroom and send him for mental health screening. That’ll keep the numbers of kids being screened manageable enough for us to expect good results. It’ll also make drugging our kids a last resort, which is exactly what it should be. Even if something like Ritalin can improve Jimmy’s behavior, isn’t everyone better off if he learns to control it himself? Will he not take the lessons learned along the way into the rest of his life? Will he not use the ability to overcome personal hardships to overcome the inevitable barriers that will stand between what he wants and what he can attain?

So, once again, Bush and pals prove themselves to be unable to see the ramifications of their so-called principle-driven actions. I think everyone applauds when politicians vote their conscience. We all appreciate it when our public servants commit to what they believe in, even when it could cost them politically. But sometimes, their altruistic ideals do not translate into policy without undue harm to some group of people. In this case, that group of people is all of us. If we have a bunch of docile kids who’ve used pharmaceuticals to help themselves and their parents avoid facing reality, we’ll eventually have a bunch of docile adults who don’t know what to do when reality gets tough. And with a war on terror going on, this is bad news for everyone.

When are they and the well-meaning social engineers going to learn that anomalies in the populations of humans are far too complex to “fix” with broad, sweeping government solutions? The one thing that works every time is simple – hold people accountable for their actions and their actions alone. That goes for kids, too. Docilization is not the answer.

This World Is Not Deterministic…

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This world is not deterministic. There is no fate. There is no “things happen for a reason.” There is action and reaction. Period. And if there ever was a “grand plan,” we humans would have ruined it long ago. At every moment in time, an infinite number of circumstances, some in whose creation we are accomplices and some that occur randomly, are triggering human emotions that define the nature of the moments to come. Those emotions are the motivators for our actions. When we take action, we influence the outcome of events that are still to pass – else we would not act, right? The thing is that our emotions can be very quirky. In only slightly differing circumstances, the same piece of news can elicit drastically differing responses. The only way you could ever say that the world is deterministic, that there is fate, would be if you could say that the emotional responses of humans can be predicted reliably. Like weather, we can predict that certain things will happen (like rain and temper tantrums), but we have a hard time saying when or where (OK, maybe it’s not hard when it comes to some people.). The point is that we humans and our collective, emotionally-driven actions guarantee against determinism. This is good news.

To say that the world is not deterministic is not to say that there are no laws of nature. There are, and if we isolate enough of the variables, we can see them in action whenever we want. The fact is that there is such a thing as absolute truth; we just can’t observe and/or grasp all of it. So we do the best we can, knowing that the quest to understand our world will serve us well as we navigate it. We call a spade a spade, and we rely upon reason and logic to get us as close to absolute truth as possible. They have worked spectacularly for centuries. Nothing else has ever come close. We can, therefore, anchor our minds with the idea that the best way to discover the truth of any situation is by considering it in a critically rational way, by maintaining a scientific sort of skepticism. And we’re most skeptical of the notion of certainty. There are far too many things for which our explanations are sorely lacking to be strutting around proclaiming that we are certain. The key is that by seeking truth and relying on logic and reason to get us as close as possible, we have a firm foundation from which to pursue our interests in life.

The world’s indetermism is perhaps most profound when it is invoked in pondering what to do with our time here. Many people are hung up about status and background. These people, whether they know it or not, are determinists. They believe rich people lead rich people lives and poor people lead poor people lives. They believe where you come from determines where you’ll end up. They believe that the way things have been is the way they’ll continue to be. For some of them, to struggle against this fate is an act of futility, one that diverts limited resources from the practical responsibilities of life. For others, their ambition is defeated, for whatever reason, and they cling to determinism to justify their failure to achieve. In both cases, these people have missed the boat. Recognizing that the world is not deterministic causes us to reject this line of thinking and replace it with an action, consequence, desire, competence, and opportunity mentality.

If we think of time as unfolding from this moment forward, we can think of every choice we make as having consequences. Most are insignificant, but some reverberate for a while. If we take an interest in truth, we get a serious leg up in accurately predicting events further and further into the future. The fact is that for just about anything you’d ever want to do, there’s information available on how to go about a doing it. And before anyone gets the idea that only sooome people do certain things, there’s information available about real people who routinely disprove this hairball idea. Now, it is true that some information is easily obtained, while some requires considerable investment. We might have to study or pay our dues by doing things we don’t like to get to the information we seek. That’s where desire comes in.

The indeterminist idea implores us to explore our interests to determine how best to take action. We recognize that our actions can impact future proceedings, and our quest for truth has us seeing farther and farther into the future. In short, we are aware of the real power of our actions if we choose wisely and commit to our decisions. All that remains is to figure out what we like. This requires a preference for experience, and an open mind with no tendencies toward judgements. We know right away when we find something we like, so we simply explore the consequences of pursuing it and weigh them against those of our other options. Eventually, hopefully, a dream life appears in our imaginations.

This is where things get good. I would say that a life that allows us to pursue our interests and spend our time with the people we care about is a pretty good template for a dream life. This is a life filled with “want to dos” versus “have to dos.” Visualizing something like this, for the indeterminist, is a substantial motivator. Desire is now properly tuned. All that stand between the desire and the realization of the dream are competence and opportunity. Competence is the practical side of the action/consequence concept. This is where we put our understanding of our world into use. We use the things we know to get to things we don’t know. Sounds a lot like logic, right? This is the investment in information component of the success strategy. Here, we are focused on the deterministic aspects of our indeterministic world. We are students of cause and effect. We are pattern detectors. We are generalizers, and we are synthesizers of random information. Most importantly, we’re goal oriented and we accept the realities that confront us.

If one’s desire is to make a living as a musician, he or she must accept the hours of practice that will be required. If one’s desire is to be a physician, he or she must accept the years of schooling that stand in the way. And, just to be clear, we recognize these hindrances as hurdles, not roadblocks. Every goal can be achieved. It’s all a matter of desire. How much are we willing to pay, and how confident are we in our ability to make the key decisions along the way? Thinking of these as hurdles keeps us optimistic. We need only decide which we will attempt to overcome. Opportunity can play a major role in these considerations.

With goals and the competence to achieve them in hand, we pursue opportunity. We do not await opportunity for we cannot expect it to come to us. We pursue it by understanding it. This is very simple – we study those who have achieved what we desire. Our fluency with the principles of cause and effect will alert us as to the actions that lay ahead. Once again, we weigh them against how much we want what we want. If the desire is strong enough, we do what it takes, create our opportunities, and realize our dreams.

All along the way, we have held tightly to the notion that every moment could go in an infinite number of directions. We have held tightly to the notion that the world is not deterministic. This has emboldened us to consider our actions as supremely meaningful in the unfolding of our lives. Stepping back in awe at our power, we have committed to the judicious use of it. We become knowledgeable and experienced so that we can make the most of our decisions. In a larger sense, we just want to make the most of the time we have. Seeing the indeterminacy of the world is the key to doing just that.

The Status-Oriented Inferiority Complex

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I know a Brazilian girl who is attractive, smart, and has a great personality. She’s down to earth, open-minded, and accepting of everyone. The problem is that she doesn’t know it. Or maybe she knows it, but it doesn’t matter. There is something else that hinders her ability to realize her value as a human being. She comes from a poor family. In other words, she started life with very little status, and this has given her an inferiority complex that plagues her even to this day.

The current in thinking in evolutionary psychology is that the human mind was designed by natural selection to be very cognizant of status within social groups. In caveman days, when natural selection was in full force shaping man’s ability to survive, being high on the social totem pole translated into a direct reproductive advantage. The humans that survived, therefore, were the ones who had a genetic predisposition to seek and obtain status. They were our ancestors, which means that we share their genetic quest for status. However, now that status is unnecessary for survival, the mind’s tendency to seek it is causing all sorts of problems. My Brazilian friend is a perfect example.

She is a first generation American. Her family moved to the US when she was very young. Her parents have worked tirelessly to give their daughter opportunities that they never had. So, by seeing to it that she was able to attend college, they are still poor. And because she is human and status is important to her brain, she feels inferior to people who come from more wealthy families. She dates a guy whose father is a doctor. She admitted to me once that she often feels uncomfortable around him, especially when his parents are present. It is as if she feels unworthy of him. She suspects that his family would prefer him to date someone with a better background. This is truly sad.

The fact is that our standing at birth is absolutely irrelevant in today’s world. The notion that some people are better than others simply because their families have more money is ludicrous. Yes, it is true that those born into wealth have access to better education. They often have more opportunities in life. However, to suppose that this somehow translates into human value is a tragic mistake.

If you want to see what makes for a valuable human being, go to a cemetery and read some grave stones. Rarely, if ever, will you see, “John Smith 1935-2004, Largest Landowner in the State.” They say things like, “Loving father of three” or “Friend to all people.” The point is that human value can only be based upon ethics. What do we as people hold as the core of our values? Do we respect others? Are we honest? Do we value fairness and justice? Do we seek knowledge? In the end, this is what brings love to our lives, and this, in my view, is what it’s all about.

So, to my Brazilian friend, I say this. Forget about where you come from. Concentrate on who you are as a person. Most importantly, demand that others do the same. Those who would hold your background against you are not worthy of your time, no matter how much money they may have. It is the fact that you are a good person that matters. All else is trivia. Your mind is indeed wired to respond differently, but this is not beyond your control. As a rational, conscious being, you can choose to follow your emotions or you can choose to reason your way to a positive self-opinion. And the good news is that once you start down the road of rejecting those emotions that make no sense, life becomes a much larger place. It gets easier with every passing day to cling to what you know makes for a good person and to reject status-oriented assessments of yourself. When feelings of inadequacy pop into your brain, you simply escort them out, knowing that they are artifacts of our collective human history that have no place in today’s world. Pretty soon, those thoughts will be gone for good.

The plain and simple truth is that those who emphasize status above ethics are the inferior ones. Leave them to their games and get on with your life.

Education and the Time Horizon of Maturity

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Original Post (and comments)
Over time, I have become increasingly convinced that maturity is a function of how much considerations of the future play into one’s decision-making process. Now that I am a father and am able to witness the development of a little human from birth, my belief is stronger than ever. My nine month old son is light years from mature, and it shows by the fact that his actions are dictated entirely by whatever happens to be occupying his attention at any given moment. As he grows, I expect that he’ll start to develop the ability to see into the future to predict the consequences of his actions. This will happen as he learns the physics of this world – action and reaction. Right now, he presses keys on the piano to make a sound. Before long, he’ll press specific keys to make specific sounds. Then he’ll transition into being aware of time. This, in my view, will be the real start of his maturity, and it will continue to progress as the time horizon of his considerations gets longer and longer.

My job as a parent, beyond seeing to it that my son knows he is number one to me and my wife, is primarily to ensure that he grasps the concept of consequences, but not just immediate consequences. If he is to reach maturity, he will have to develop the ability to consider both the long-term and short-term consequences of his actions, which implies that he’ll be concerned about the future. The short-term consequence of doing something dangerous may be having a good time. However, the longer-term consequence is likely to be a severe beating. Just kidding. He’ll actually be facing some sort of undesirable punishment, and the nature of that punishment will have to be consistent with his concept of time if it is to be effective. I can’t expect a three-year old to be swayed by the threat of missing a birthday party that is a week away. Five minutes of time-out (man, do I hate that phrase) will do nicely. The point of all this is that our society is chocked full of immature individuals, individuals who have a very short time horizon.

It is a commonly held view in many circles that poverty is a mental problem. I am inclined to agree. The vast majority of individuals who are poor are that way because of the choices they have made in life. But the point that I never hear about this is that the root cause of their poor decisions is their inability to see far enough into the future. For whatever reason, these people do not respond to arguments such as, “If you don’t study for the test you have tomorrow, you won’t be able to get a job that is years away.” This, to them, is no different than threatening a toddler with punishment that will not take place for a week. So, it isn’t helpful to just point out that these people chose to goof off when they should have been studying. And since the problem is deeper than that, so must the solution be.

I believe our educations systems need a time-horizon component to them. At the beginning of every school year, children need to be reminded that each advance in grade brings with it a requirement for more consideration of the future. Again, they should be held responsible for considering time horizons that are realistic for their ages. But the key is to make sure that the concept of time horizons is one that is pounded into their heads on a continuous basis. When children engage in actions that demonstrate their failure to sufficiently consider the future, they need to be counseled immediately. But this has some implications that our current educators seem unprepared to accept.

The current trend in education is focused on the self-esteem of all students, and it is virtually guaranteeing that the children emerging from US schools will be the most immature that this country has ever seen. If failing makes kids feel bad about themselves, and feeling bad about one’s self is unacceptable, the only option is to see to it that no one fails. That is exactly what is happening. Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t care about self-esteem. It cares about results. That means we have to abandon this touchy-feely approach to education, and we have to do it right away.
The consequences for failure as a child are minimal. So what if you fail a spelling test in third grade. In fact, failure, in the presence of skilled educators, is a good thing. It makes for the best possible object lessons. Kids should be allowed to fail so that they can be instructed as to what they did wrong and how to avoid failing the next time. It is a mistake to assume that failure automatically means feeling bad about one’s self. That’s where skilled educators come in. When a child fails, he or she must be made to understand that failure is explicable. Rarely does it boil down to inherent inferiority. It is almost always a function of effort, education, or mindset. The educator’s job is to figure out which is the culprit and then to guide the student to the solution, all the while reinforcing the time horizon component of the equation. If this simple little change happens, we’ll see our test scores relative to the rest of the world come up dramatically in almost no time. More importantly, we’ll graduate students with the ability to understand the long-term consequences of their actions. Given the aging population and the fact that when these kids are adults, there will be more retired people than working people, this is something that we simply cannot live without.

The Resistance to Truth – Part 2

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We all know the question, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it make a sound?” The answer is yes. We know because the laws of science that dictate how the impact of the falling tree will produce sound waves do not change, regardless of whether there are human ears present. The fact that the tree makes a sound is what you could call a truth, but is it an absolute truth? It is a description of reality, but just because the laws of nature have yet to fail us, can we say it is absolutely true? No, we can’t, but that is no cause for panic. We have to keep in mind that humans are only so capable of perceiving absolute truth.

We are better at starting with a foundation of things we believe to be true, and using those things to infer information about the unknown. We can call this relative truth. That man has to use relative truth to get close to absolute truth is important when it comes to determining the role truth can, and should, play in life. The philosopher, Immanuel Kant, was an advocate of the idea that man can never be certain. He was a little extreme in his beliefs in that he held that man’s version of reality is a far cry from the real thing. Thanks to modern science, we know that this isn’t true. But also thanks to modern science, we know that Kant was right about man never being able to certain.

Our imaginations and our abilities to perceive reality limit our ability to fully grasp it. Yes, we can see very small things with the electron microscope, but we can’t see at the subatomic level. That realm is governed by quantum physics. Quantum physics is where man’s perceptive faculties fall short of what is required to truly observe the absolute truth of our universe. To deal with this, we use probabilities to describe the qualities of subatomic particles. That’s the best we can do, but it’s more than good enough. The laws of classical physics are founded on the conclusions we’ve reached about how subatomic particles behave, and they have proven to be about as reliable as it gets. So what’s the point of all this?

If we accept that we can never be certain, we cannot make the mistake of thinking that this entitles us to embrace whatever version of truth happens to be convenient from moment to moment. There is a method, critical rationalism (sort of a lite version of the scientific method) that can and must be used when we’re seeking truth. It relies upon the process of proposing hypotheses, testing them, eliminating the ones that do not pass, and choosing the most preferable from among what remains. This is the technique that scientists have used for centuries to get us as close to absolute truth as we are today. The problem is that far too many among us do not recognize the necessity of endeavoring to get as close to absolute truth as possible. It’s absolutely essential to eliminating long-term frustration in life, and it isn’t always easy.

Take, for example, the current obesity problem. Here’s the truth of the matter, the one that stands up to any scrutiny that can be hurled its way – the human body maintains its weight when the calories consumed are more or less on par with the calories expended. It’s that simple. Of course, some folks have faster or slower metabolisms, but the variation there isn’t as wide as some would like to believe. Nevertheless, obesity is competing with smoking as the number one cause of health problems in the US. What could possibly explain this? The resistance to truth. Period.

Our population is strewn with individuals who refuse to accept this fact. They see ads for junk like Cortislim and for diets that claim to drop weight by several pounds a week, and they become hopeful that somehow science has rewritten the laws of nature. But even if these work, and I have seen no real evidence that they do, the reality is they don’t work for long. As soon as the diet is abandoned, the old rule kicks in and the fat returns. And then there are diets like Atkins and the South Beach diet. But these are simply designed to control appetite by controlling blood sugar. That’s why they work – they’re based on the fact above. Again, however, as soon as the diet is abandoned, the pounds return. And there’s always gastric by-pass surgery. It works, too, because it limits caloric intake. In the end, there really is only one solution – lifestyle change, whether it is accomplished by sheer determination or with the assistance of medical science.

People who are overweight have two choices. Either drastically reduce the number of calories consumed or drastically increase the number of calories expended. That’s it. So, the key is to choose which of these will work best and then commit to living a life that adheres to it. But that isn’t going to be easy, especially if the people in question have let themselves get severely overweight. Be that as it may, the truth is still the truth. The sooner folks start accepting it and living their lives accordingly, the better off they’ll be. Resisting truth, in this case, is a fast path to all of the health problems that come with obesity. It all comes down to what role truth plays in life – either you seek it correctly and accept what you find or you don’t. Remember that the next time you step on a scale.

The Resistance to Truth – Part 1

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Original Post (including comments)
I am constantly smacked in the face by this country’s determination to deny the truth. It has not always been this way. I can remember being a kid and being told the story of how a boyhood George Washington admitted to chopping down a cherry tree, even though he knew his father would punish him. The point of the story, though I have since heard it isn’t true, was to instill in young people one of the core values of this country – honesty. And it was key that George Washington was the protagonist of the story.

Here was a guy that embodied all of the attributes that exemplified the very archetype of the revolution-era American. He was a genuine war hero, but he was also a cultured gentleman. Most importantly, he was viewed as utterly incorruptible. He had a set of core beliefs and morals that could not be swayed by other personal interests. Indeed, had Washington not been convinced to endorse the constitutional convention when it was on the brink of falling apart, the United States of America might never have managed to come together. There were factions with differing agendas that needed an objective leader to bring consensus among them. George Washington was that leader. All parties knew they could trust him to put the interests of the country above all else. And they could trust him because the truth meant something to George Washington. As a kid, it was taught to mean something to me.

As an adult, I have come to realize more and more that it is precisely inconvenient truth that makes the concept so valuable. That, I am convinced, is a notion that is in need of serious revival these days. Take, for example, this terrorism problem. The patrons of the politically correct society have effectively erased the inconvenient truth of the situation from the drawing board. The facts are as follows:

  1. The vast majority of terrorists on the planet are Muslims.
  2. We are unaware of any serious threats to our security being continuously articulated by non-Muslim organizations.
  3. Muslims can, for the most part, be demographically profiled such that significant proportions of the general population can be considered unlikely to be Muslim.

These three facts are unfortunate, but they are facts nonetheless. Now, when we recognize them and commit to accepting truth no matter what, we have the proper conditions to formulate an appropriate response. That response is very clearly that we have to focus the lion’s share of our threat detection endeavors on individuals that fit the Muslim profile. Once again, this is unfortunate, but it is also the most expedient course of action, especially considering the consequences of failure.

But there are those who reject this course of action because they feel that it will be offensive to Muslims. They are correct, and this is as it should be. They should be offended that individuals who identify themselves with Islam would dare conduct themselves in a way that deviates so far from its peaceful teachings. They, too, have truth to accept – the simple fact that they need to get their house in order.

Who will be the Muslim’s that typify the religion in the years to come? Will it be the fanatics? If it is, the peaceful Muslims will be met with increasing enmity from the rest of the world’s inhabitants. In short, things have no hope of getting better for them – sooner or later, the PC police will be shoved aside by angry mobs. The bottom line is simple – if the peaceful Muslims will exemplify the religion, it will be because they took a stand against the most insidious among them. Truth, in this case, is their only chance. The resistance to it is the real impediment to progress. Alas, this always seems to be the case…

The Fight Against Frustration

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I believe that the central feature of unhappiness is frustration. It comes in two forms – short-term frustration, as in what we feel when we keep dropping things or our car gets towed, and long-term frustration, as in what we feel when we can’t find a job or meaningful interpersonal relationships. And where does frustration come from? Unrealistic expectations, plain and simple. When things don’t turn out as we expect, we get frustrated. And when this happens for a long time, our frustration turns into unhappiness. Why are our expectations about life so often unrealistic? Because they are formed, at least in part, by our caveman minds, minds that were designed for an environment where social status was critically important.

I’m here to tell you that you do more in service of social status than you would ever admit. Even those who claim to be totally free from caring about what other people think are still aware of social hierarchies and where they would stand if they cared. So what to do?

Expect more from yourself and less from other people. It’s an old saying but it packs a punch. In fact, I have come to expect that when I walk out my door, there is always a chance that I’m going to run into all varieties of people – smart people, stupid people, nice people, rude people, considerate people, self-absorbed jerks, crazy people, sane people, emotionally whacked people, perfectly centered people, beautiful people, ugly people, fat, skinny, and on and on. I could meet any one of these people at any time, especially when I’m in a place frequented by the general public, as in the mall or the airport. When I say meet, I guess I really mean encounter.

I have found that having this little realization at the front of mind is unbelievably liberating. When I’m driving, trying to get over for an exit and the guy in the next lane looks me in the eye and stays in my way, I don’t get upset. He’s a jerk – I expected him. Furthermore, when you realize that people are how they are, you are less inclined to say or do anything to react to them. As a very amateur road cyclist, I am frequently screamed at by motorists who want me out of their way. I know that their screams are their problem, not mine (unless they follow them up with a maneuver designed to run me off the road). I expect that there are people who just go around angry and lash out at whatever they can. That’s their deal, not mine. I don’t engage with them at all, and they don’t frustrate me. This also works when you’re shopping or dealing with some company’s customer service. You expect that it’s going to suck and go from there – cool as a cucumber.

But back to this status thing. Unrealistic expectations about ourselves also cause considerable frustration. If you won’t study and you don’t like to work hard, you shouldn’t expect that you’ll be wealthy one day. It may happen anyway, but you shouldn’t expect it. If you’re constantly doubting your value as a person, it is unrealistic to expect to find that others won’t. Again, you may find that wonderful soul who shows you who you really are. It happens, but you shouldn’t expect it. And looks, well there’s truth to be found about looks.

The fact is that certain things make for what we can call the prototypical beautiful person. This is not my definition. This is what humans want to see. We know because they will, by and large, pay the most to look at pictures of and see movies with people that fit this description. Symmetrical facial features, good teeth, a full head of hair, a slim physique, decent muscle tone, height above 6′ (for men), height between 5’5″ and 5’8″ (for women), tan skin, very little body hair, and so on. This is no surprise. We all know this. I’m not saying you can’t be considered physically attractive without these qualities. What I’m saying is that, if you have them, for you, life is easier than it is for those who don’t. Better said, you’ll be presented with more opportunities for relationships, jobs, and leisure. This is a massive generalization. I know that. But there is truth here, and it stems, most likely, from natural selection. These physical attributes, like the peacock’s bright plumage, indicate fitness. Males are tuned by evolution to match their genes with the fittest females possible, and the women, vice-versa. It is no surprise that we are visually aware of physical beauty. So what does this mean when it comes to frustration?

Take a good look in the mirror. Better yet, take a walk into a crowded room where people can get a good look at you as you walk in. If you notice people turning their heads, you’ve either missed a beltloop or some folks are noticing your physical appearance. If the attractive ones continue to look at you after you look at them, there’s a good chance they find you attractive. If they immediately look away, chances are it was something besides attractiveness that caught their eye. If nobody seems to notice you as you walk in (which is what happens to me 99% of the time when I walk in a room), it means you’re not pegging anyone’s attractive meter. This is not to say you’re not attractive. It just means that it is probably unlikely that you’ll be sailing through life on your looks. And that’s really the point of all this.

If you want to avoid frustration when it comes to expectations of self, you have to have a realistic self-image. If you’re not super-attractive but you want to date super-attractive people, you’re going to need a gimmick. You’ve gotta have some quality or qualities that offset your deficiency in the looks department. To breeder guys, I always say that your gimmick is the first thing the girl you met tells her friends when she tells them about you. “Oh he’s really funny.” Or, “He’s the CFO of a big company.” Or, “He’s a musician.” The reality of the situation is that looks are just like everything else – they’re cards to be played in interpersonal endeavors. Look closely at your hand and then plan and act accordingly.
In the final analysis, our minds were not designed for the world in which we live. But getting what we want out of life is not hopeless. We just have to see it for what it is. We have to honestly look at where we are and where we want to go and then have the courage to do what it takes to get there. If we expect life to be what it is, not what we would have it be, we will find that frustration withers away, and happiness becomes easily attainable. Give it a shot. It’s working for me.

Money and the Option

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Finally got around to reading Kiyoski’s Rich Dad Poor Dad. What a great book. Though he spends the majority of his time explaining how to do things that will make you rich, he touches on an idea that I’ve been advocating for years – the option. At least that’s what I call it.

The option comes in large and small sizes. In making little day-to-day choices in life, I am always on the lookout for the option. For example, when I travel, and when it is practical, I rent a car. It gives me the most options. And in thinking about the direction I want for my life, I am obsessed with the option. The ultimate option is to have the financial wherewithal to do whatever I want, wherever I want, for as long as I want.

The option is founded on the idea that I can’t predict what I’ll want to be doing very far into the future. The thing is that it takes money to realize the ultimate option. So, being a generally lazy person, I look for speediest way to get what I need. That’s where books like Rich Dad Poor Dad come in. They offer instruction in how to make money and, more importantly, in how to make money work for you. But there seems to be a question of morality here, at least for some people.

To pursue money doggedly is, in the eyes of some, a shameful endeavor. Somehow, the notion that being financially ambitious is equated with utter selfishness and a self-centered personality. Without question, there are many money chasers who fit this description. However, it is intellectually lazy to assume that all do. The fact is that those who achieve financial independence often do so by creating businesses, which create jobs and wealth for other people. At the same time, many people pursue money in a laser focused way, but by doing things that people like – actors, rock stars, writers, etc. Those people are interestingly exempted from the contempt that is normally reserved for the so-called “greedy”.

But I digress – this is about the option. How could there be anything wrong with my wanting to have all of my time to do what I want, which happens to be playing with my friends and family? If anything, it pushes me away from materialism for materialism’s sake. Buying ostentatious things only wastes money that I can contribute to the option fund. Those who want to be rich so that others will know they are rich have missed the boat. Maybe it is their ethos that has elicited the backlash against the greedy. Or maybe it is the fact that the rich effectively serve as provocation to the poor, as a situation that gives them two options – either look inward and examine whether or not their choices in life have contributed to their lack of capital (and therefore lack of options, though they may not see it that way) or convince themselves that the rich have obtained their wealth through nefarious acts or via advantages that are only conferred upon the well-to-do. What happens at this crossroads is telling. Those who look inward often look realistically at the situation and set their sights on doing what it takes to get what they want from life. They take control. Those who blame the rich do nothing but seethe in resentment, assuming that no action will amount to anything. Theirs is a futile existence.

Those who view their lives as futile are truly sad. There is no scenario that has not been endured by Americans. Those who succeed in the face of adversity normally share one critical attribute – they are determined. In my view, determination is usually an adequate substitute for talent. The good news is that determination is nothing more than a decision not to quit. It is available to everyone. In fact, determination is the preferred tool in the pursuit of the option. And if it I have to be determined to make the money I need to achieve the option, why not focus on the good my determination provides (jobs and taxes) and refrain from assuming that I’m just another jerk trying to get rich so I can run you off the road with my beamer? But like I said, this is about the option.

It is perfectly possible (and likely, in my case) that the pursuit of money en route to the option can coincide with living a magnanimous existence. The less I have to worry about money, the more time I have to do positive things in my community, and the more resources I have to do it. The fact is that many who achieve financial independence serve as benefactors to society. In the spirit of everyone getting along, I think it makes sense to assume that anyone we don’t know who is in pursuit of financial freedom is doing so to play that role, whether they mean to or not (once again, businesses create wealth and jobs). I am convinced that when presented with the option, most any thinking person will embrace it. There is no shame in doing so, nor is there any shame in doing what it takes to get it.

Interpersonal Truth – Part 1

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Whether we know it or not, the basis for our self-esteem is normally founded in our expectations of interpersonal acceptance. If we believe we will be accepted by those we encounter, we feel good about ourselves. If we imagine that we’ll be rejected, we feel bad. Of course, this is quite a generalization but, as you may have already concluded, generalizations are my thing. Anyhow, as simple as this sounds, there is a little more to it.

How do we decide if we’re being accepted by people? I think it all comes from past experience. Those who have been burned repeatedly by people they thought were their friends tend to be skeptical of what may appear as acceptance. This makes sense – it’s a defense mechanism. We see this in individuals who carry around insecurity, always offering caveats to their expressed ideas and always claiming to be neutral when the decision to choose a restaurant comes up. Though the individuals in their midst may truly like them, they maintain their skepticism – “I wonder what he’s really thinking” is always on their minds. Some folks get this way by spending too much time with duplicitous people. Even if they have faired well in the acceptance game, being exposed for too long to people who don’t really mean what they say has distorted their ability to trust their perceptions. It’s sad but it’s EVERYWHERE. Mistakes in perception of acceptance also happen on the other end of the spectrum.

Those who have always been accepted will almost automatically expect acceptance, even when the evidence is pretty clear that they aren’t well-liked. We all know people like this, people who act like jerks but are then astonished when they learn that most people don’t care for them. I have found that this presents itself most often in people who are quite physically attractive. My next book will deal with looks and how our minds are tuned to pay deference to the most attractive among us, even though it now makes no sense at all. For now, suffice it to say that it is ironic for some people that the characteristic they have that should make life easy for them ends up making it much harder.

So what’s the point of all this? Simple – there’s an easy solution to the interpersonal acceptance problem. Truth. For those who carry around feelings of insecurity, try this: take EVERYONE at their word. If they’re your family or close friends, tell them that this is your policy. What you get from this is immense. You get out of from under wondering what people are really thinking. If someone tells me they’re neutral and I’m not, we’re eating where I choose. Period. I can’t read minds and it’s too stressful to try. Of course, with people you don’t know, you should never put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. I’m not saying believe everything someone tells you. I’m just saying don’t try to put other words in their mouth.

Over time, people who don’t mean what they say will get on board with your policy or separate themselves from you. It’s a self-correcting system. (If you do this and find that you still don’t have lots of friends, you’re a different kind of person – not any better or worse than any other, just different. That means you need to pack your crap and find the people out there who are different like you. No matter what, however, do NOT give in and try to fit in where you don’t. It’s not worth it. I promise.) The bottom line is that worrying about what other people are thinking is crazy. Not only does it place unneeded stress on your interpersonal situations, it causes your personality to become too heavily filtered, which is visible to anyone paying attention. Consequently, you may find that people who would normally accept you do not – because you’re not you, you’re the person you think they want you to be. Oh, what an ugly, vicious circle. Take them at their word, trust your gut, and do your thing. Believe me, it works.

And for people who expect too much in interpersonal acceptance, ask yourself these questions: do I automatically think of myself as better than someone because I am more attractive than they are? Do I give preferential treatment to people I believe are “in my league” looks-wise? This is where truth comes in. Be honest. If the answers to these questions are yes, there’s a good chance you’re a jerk and most everyone who knows you thinks so. Get over yourself and recognize that though your looks may confer some perks in daily life, the real litmus tests for value as a modern human being have nothing to do with physical attractiveness. Trust me on this.

This brings me back to the original idea of self-esteem. If you must connect it to expectations of interpersonal acceptance, there’s only one way to do it. Be concerned about being accepted by good people, people who live up to your ethics (this presumes that you’ve reasoned your way to a set of ethics – more on this later). With regard to all others, interpersonal acceptance is irrelevant. In fact, we should want things to be a harshly truthful as possible – that way we know where we stand. If I go to a hoity-toity party and some lady is going on about how the trim on her Mercedes seats was supposed to be white but it turned out to be black, I simply about face and head for the bar. That generally doesn’t go over well, so my acceptance there is probably nil. But that’s OK. I have no interest in acceptance in that kind of environment. Alternatively, if I’m with someone I deeply admire and I get the impression they are disappointed in me, I pursue it. Fortunately, the situations that don’t matter are far more frequent, so, for the most part, interpersonal acceptance is rarely a consideration. Those who think like this are drawn to one another – the discourse is BS-free. As the philosopher Dan Dennett is fond of saying, “You can externalize most anything if you make yourself small enough.” True dat.

Truth and the Caveman Mind

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If we’re going to reject the team mentality and the herd mentality to come to opinions and beliefs that make sense, we’re going to have to make sure we know how to find truth. This, it turns out, is not exactly easy for the caveman mind. Our emotions push us to buy into all sorts of ideas that make absolutely no sense.

The first step is realizing that certainty is a fantasy. Francis Bacon once said, “If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.” I’d say he’s mostly right. However, even when we think we’re certain, we must ALWAYS recognize that we may be wrong. That means that we have to be stingy with our beliefs. We have to be skeptical. Unless we have a good reason to believe something, we are best served if we consider the matter unresolved until such time as things change.

This leads us to the question of how we pursue truth if we can’t ever be certain. The easy answer is evidence. However, not necessarily positive evidence. The approach to take is to determine all of the possible explanations for an idea. For example, if we want to know if the minimum wage is helpful to society, we must consider two main hypotheses – either it is or it isn’t. Then we look at all of the evidence against each hypothesis. The idea that the minimum wage is good for society is refuted by consistent statistics that indicate that high minimum wages lead to high unemployment. Therefore, though some may make a little more, more are out of work. The idea that the minimum is not good for society, on the other hand, has very little to refute it. Therefore, though we recognize that we can’t be certain, we can feel comfortable choosing the latter hypothesis.

This is called Critical Rationalism, and it is the very basis of the scientific method. Scientists put forth hypotheses and then spend their time trying to disprove them. Those that stand up to experiments make their way into theories. Those that do not are rejected (and they usually lead to more hypotheses). This is how man’s knowledge moves forward. We must use the same approach when considering all issues. Even though most of us lack the capability to test all ideas we encounter, we can do a little research to figure out where we stand.

The key is to be willing to say we don’t know. If there isn’t enough evidence either way, it is better to withhold judgement. For example, many people are certain that Michael Jackson is a pedophile. While the evidence we encounter in the news seems to point to his guilt, those of us who have never met him really don’t know. We’re therefore best served if we withhold opinion on the matter.

What makes this hard is the caveman tendency to take sides based upon group affiliation. We saw this most starkly with the OJ trial. Blacks overwhelmingly believed he was innocent, and whites overwhelmingly believed he was guilty. The only way to approach something like this is in a critically rational way. We must have the courage to reject our emotional leanings and look objectively at the evidence. It’s the only way.